Tree days. (Yes, tree.)

Well, I think it is about time I wrote some kind of closing entry or reflection. I still have 1 more trip to write about but right now my mind is wired. It is currently 12:47 AM in Ireland. The end of this semester has been interesting in a number of ways and I've realized I have learned quite a few things about myself this semester. I figured I would write this entry now while I am in the writing mood and more importantly have time. Lord knows I am on Facebook a million times a day sadly, but writing a blog takes a good amount of time to write it well and writing it interestingly, for me, most days.

So. Spring semester 2010. By far one of the coolest things I have ever done. For the past few years I have been feeling inadequate when it came to travel because most of our family vacations have been spent at either Wisconsin Dells or our cabin. Not trying to sound ungrateful, I don't exactly feel like I had some deprived childhood or anything, but it just got hard to hear other people talk about all the cool places they'd been while I got to say "Yeah I went to the cabin. Again." I got such a yearning to travel and see new things. I was suddenly able to relate to Belle from Beauty and the Beast and wanted "adventure in the great wide somewhere" (I'm serious; I downloaded the song off Itunes)

So, obviously, I applied and was accepted to study abroad in Ireland. And it has been the experience of a lifetime. I think this program and location suited me really well. The academic part was ok. My classes could have been a little more stimulating I think, but hey I didn't have a lot of homework which made traveling a lot easier!

Here is a list of things I have noticed that are different about me, or things that I have learned and I hope will carry with me when I go home in a few days.
1) I have a lot more patience. After camping out at the airport and barely sleeping the night before we left for Paris, and then waiting for our plane to Paris to actually arrive so we could board and take off, I don't easily get upset when stuff is running late. Although, to be honest today it took FOREVER to get to Limerick City Centre today on the city bus and I was sort of going nuts in my head.
2) I don't stress and worry about things that are beyond my control anymore, not as much anyway. I haven't let bad weather bother me on trips...I've considered it a blessing to just be able to have gone where I've gone. It POURED the first day we were in Rome, and my shoes were soaked, which yes, sucked, but hey. I was in Rome. When my mom and I went to San Diego last year for spring break, I was all stressed a few days before we left because I'd checked the weather forecast and they were predicting rain. Well, turns out the weather people were wrong and it was pretty much sunny skies all week. However, when we went to the beach, it was super foggy by the ocean but sunny on the mainland, and I was mad because I didn't want to remember my first time at the Pacific as being foggy, and well yeah I also wanted to go swimming but the fog made it really cold. My mom kept telling me to lighten up, but I was just like "Why can't it just be sunny??" Well, coming to a country like Ireland has definitely made me learn to take the rain with the sunshine. I will admit though, this whole volcano thing has gotten me a little on edge, especially since they have been saying there could be yet another ash cloud this week that could cancel flights and I am supposed to leave Wednesday and be back for my sister's bridal shower/bachelorette party this weekend. Hopefully everything will work out!
3) The next 2 are a little personal and this one in particular I sort of have a lot to say about. I have definitely learned more about the kind of people I like to be around. I like people who are genuine, and ok, I do think I have a sense of humor and can laugh at myself most days, and even when someone else gives me a little teasing, but there have been a couple people this semester who some days said things to me that resulted with my self esteem and sanity going in the toilet. People who I considered my friends. And ok, I am going to rant a little because hey it's my blog and I just really need to get this out. I know I am short. Sometimes yes it is funny to joke about when the situation is right and a person can actually lay a clever burn on me. But what I hate is people who just say "Yeah, you're short" and just seem like they're trying to imply that makes me inferior and not as much of a person. And people who like to bring it up at EVERY given opportunity. And also, I have had it pointed it out that I am klutzy. I dont know why or how it happens, but sometimes I'll stumble on sidewalk cracks a lot. I feel like I walk like a normal person but it happens a lot. And one person I know has on many occasions has reminded me of this in a way to make it define me, along with being short. I don't want to sound like a whiner, but I honestly feel like some people have just tried using my flaws (and I don't even consider my height a flaw) to define me than being encouraging and supportive. Also, I was not exactly the top student in my dance tutorial. I enjoy going out to the clubs here in Limerick, and at Stables, and dancing for fun, but I do not do well with choreography generally. But one person in particular one day who I have considered my friend, while I was talking about how I couldn't remember the footing for one move said to me, "Well even if you knew the footing you probably couldn't do it anyway" and started laughing. I can be an overly sensitive person, but this really hurt me because it's like gee, thanks for the encouragement and positivity. It really hurt my feelings. This leads to another part of the problem.
I was not exactly assertive in telling people when they hurt my feelings. I don't want to seem like a victim and that I have SUCH a horrible life, but seriously sometimes I feel like the biggest pee-on amongst all my friends. I don't feel like I make fun of them that much and just try to be be sincere and just have fun and laugh at other things than the mistakes and short(literally)comings of other people. I don't want to make it sound like I can't ever let anyone tease me and like I take myself too seriously, but really I don't understand how some people live their lives by daily making fun of other people, even if they are just kidding or even, as I've been told, and this just makes me even angrier "They do it because they're just expressing their love for me." Yeah, I really don't care if that's the way you show your friendship towards me when the fact that I'm not as tall as you has been brought up for the thousandth time.
Woofta. I can't believe how much I'm ranting. It feels good to let it all out though. But yeah, suffice it to say, I have learned that I honestly have more positive feelings towards my friends who just talk to me and hang out with me without constantly mocking my height or cutting me down for things I don't do well. One thing I need to work on though is telling people up front that they need to stop saying these things to me instead of just issuing back a sarcastic remark because I honestly think that after all the times I've said things like "Oh thank you for pointing out I'm short. I've never noticed or ever been informed of this" they think I'm just letting it roll off and I'm playing along. I still think a person with some kind of common courtesy or common sense would see that it gets old.
Ok moving on. I forgot what my 4th point was.
Oh.
4) This is going to sound stupid lol and cheesy, but my self confidence when it comes to talking to boys and even feeling attractive or like a guy would even want to date me has definitely changed. Because, yes, I did meet somebody who made me feel this way and well, nothing's official but we will see what happens.
5) Looking at the time right now, and judging by how things have been the past like 2 weeks, my sleeping habits have definitely changed!
6) Thankfulness for family. It was always there, but it has just definitely increased.
7) You really can't automatically think you know someone until you really get to know them better. Some of these things are common sense, but once you live a little, it really becomes true.

Oh, one thing I was very surprised that did not happen was that I never had a true moment of wanting to go home at the very beginning. I was pretty nervous the last couple of days before I left. I did have a little sense of feeling overwhelmed at first, but I quickly calmed down and started going with the flow and making friends.

Alright...well I guess I can't really think of anything else I have gotten out of this experience at the moment. It's late. At least I am done with finals!! Woohoo! I will probably write more tomorrow about other thoughts about the semester and what not. I hope this blog didn't scare anybody, but I guess I just wanted to share a little more emotion in this than the same old "I did this, and I did that" travel type of blog it's been most of the semester. As much as I complained, I truly have met some great people here and have had so much fun, and I know that the reason people act that way isn't my problem. :)

Cheers!